Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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