Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
