i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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