It's Friday. Sex?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He did a backflip because drugs
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