Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
