Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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