broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
