I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
