You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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