dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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