Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
