just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
