"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
