the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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