Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
