I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
