I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
