I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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