I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
