i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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