Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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