you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
