Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
