Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize