Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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