I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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