i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
