and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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