Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
