i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
