In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
