Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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