there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
and she was petting her beer can
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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