She is in my trunk
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
