I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
