i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
