i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
