How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
