Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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