i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
