if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
