at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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