Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize