just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My dick has a subreddit
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
