We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
