I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
