its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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