It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
