Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
