There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
