So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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