i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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