Will you blow on my dice?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
