i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
