i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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