and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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