Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
