I wish I only lived at night.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
