i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
