What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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