He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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