One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
