someone get that fucking seahorse.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
