Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
