I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
