I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
