She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
