hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
