I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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