I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
