no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
