She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
