Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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