She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
