I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
did i walk over a car last night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
