He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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