Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
