idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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