I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This toilet bowl is my home.
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