are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
