my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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