I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize